Soccer or Sucker ???

Is it the game of Kings or is it a game that panders to Fools? Here’s the thing, soccer is a game that can be enjoyed by the widest variety of people … from a child that has barely learnt to talk, to a 70 year old grandmother to adults who have problems speaking intelligently at all. “Balek Kampong!” And why is this so? … because, it doesn’t take much of a brain to understand the game. I kick and pass to you, you kick and pass to another team member, we will all try to move the ball forward and kick or head into the … GOOOOAAAALLL!!! …. Orleh – orle, orle … orle … Orleh … tak bo-leh! Talk about multiple orgasms.

You see, intelligent sports like Golf, Rugby, American Football, Full Contact Martial Arts, Boxing, American Football etc. etc. require a little brain matter usage and understanding to fully appreciate the sport. For what appears to be even a simple sport like cycling, ie “who can get to the finish line first” … there’s a whole lot of science and technique that needs to be understood. Things like how our VO-Max is so crucial, carbo loading, the huge importance of slip-streaming and how that works in strategizing, how to tailor the state of the art equipment to your fit and riding style, team work and the different duties of each team member depending their strengths; in the mountains in the sprint finishes, in the time trials etc. etc. … things that your average “Ah-Sor”, small boy or brainless adult soccer sucker could never fathom.

Another completely different example, American football is akin to human chess and not easily understood by the casual observer। And the athletes involved need to be just a little more substantial than the soccer player.

An acquaintance sucker fan … bet on matches type of guy once said to me, “No you don’t understand, soccer is a very complicated game। I bet you don’t understand the off-side rule.”

The fact is, for anything to have real meaning it needs to have some profundity, some depth, something that requires some brain interpretation and application for true appreciation. If you are a lover of the arts, be it paintings, music, plays or literature, you will know what I mean. If you don’t get it … then duh … sorry can’t help you.

OK don't sweat it … being so magnanimous, generous, honest and ... modest, don’t panic, don’t fret, I’ll try one more time … okay?

An adage would be like brainless teeny-bopper pop music (often generated by computers rather than actual musicians), retarded hip-hop and rap (which generates from the low-mentality lower echelons of modern African American low educated youngsters) …as opposed to the timeless genius of classical music and the profound artistic talent and appreciation of jazz and blues।

The X-section of the masses who are soccer fanatics are basically made up of a) kids who don’t know any better, b) adults who don’t know any better … and c) some adults who should know better but don't. ... (much smaller %).

You want proof? Look no further than at the X-section of suckers who are the most smitten by the soccer fever. That will give testimony to what I’ve said -

1) In which countries do you find the highest levels of soccer fever? (A) Highly developed countries or (B) Under developed countries where the education levels are the lowest?

2) In developed countries, like Germany and the UK , which parts of society are most into sucker-soccer? The upper levels like the CEOs and CFOs, professionals like Doctors and Lawyers, Senior Executives, successful Businessmen or would it be individuals from the working class masses and those who don’t even seek gainful employment but rely on welfare?

... “You wont a bit o bover? Cuz I’m an Arse-ernal farn ma-ate. I’ll kick yo up yourr Mun-chusters and ponch your Liver-pools out. Und I might be brane-less, boot I’m a suckerrr farn und that makes me worth sumpthin … urm … at least methinks so.

3) Which other sport has this dumber than stupid “hooligan” thing going on?

Soccer fans say that, “Oooh, in soccer there’s a lot of skill involved.” True; practically all sports require some unique skill sets. But if you sucker fans somehow think your sport is superior in skills to others, take a little consideration, take another look …

Soccer is for all intensive purposes a ‘physical’ kind of sport. Mano un mano kind of contact, unlike say Golf or Billiards. So let’s make some comparison based on this criteria. DAVID BECKHAM … is soccer’s favorite son and a multi-multi millionaire because of his soccer popularity. Doesn’t he earn something like $100,000, a hundred grand an hour just for showing his Kevin Federline-less type face?

Let’s say a comparison to Jonah Lomu, the All Black’s Rugby team’s star player retired due to a crippling disease. In his prime, Lomu, Height. 1.96 m (6 ft 5 in) Weight. 120 kg (18 st 13 lb) of explosive muscle. Able to dash like an Olympic Champion 100 m sprinter except he also had exceptional endurance. With tremendous dexterity, agility and grace he dummied and changed direction to out play the top opposition he faced. His fluidity, literally poetry in motion … and all from an athlete so large and powerful. He had exceptional instincts and reflexes in reading the plays. His power was unbelievable. Even at times when three big tough rugby players slamed tackles into him and with them hanging on, he could still power another 30m or so to make the try.

Now ...

In a head to head comparison. Beckham to play a rugby match against Lomu and the All Blacks and Lomu to play a soccer match with Beckham and Manchester or whatever US or Spanish team on the opposing side.

Well in the rugby match Beckham had better not come anywhere near Lomu or he would be flattened and mowed down into a heap of his skinny bones. In fact he had better steer clear of any of the other world class rugby players on the team. Actually, he had better sit it out unless he wanted to be sent to a complimentary bed and breakfast hospital holiday.

In the soccer match, Lomu with his athleticism wouldn’t have any trouble running around kicking and passing a round ball ... here ... there ... and ... everywhere.

American Football or Grid Iron ... some of those boys weigh close to 136kg or 300lbs of muscle and sinew and can literally do the 100m dash in 10 seconds. Now those are super-athletes.

So, Banana Beckham getting all that money for having ... what athletic abilities? Perhaps his Banana may have some special athletic abilies we don't know about. I would imagine it would have to, in order to keep Posh Spice a-smilin. She's likely stretched out from beeing round the block a few times. However, it’s the poorer masses having no benefit from that banana that’s giving him and Victoria all that money simply for him to bend it. The poor masses paying for the likes of Banana Beckham to bend it on Posh. Now if that’s not irony?

Hmm ... come to think of it , ... actually ... it's really seldom we see Posh Spice really smiling। ... Vug me doggie!!! ... Soccer-suckers!!!

Anyway you may ask … “Why have you got a bug up your ass about soccer?” Well to tell you the truth, I am a great believer and advocate of freedom of choice. If people want to be soccer-suckers … go ahead … makes no diff to me. Except, this soccer fever is every where. I can't even choose to not have it constantly stuck in my face. Every time I switch on my new 50” Flat Screen hoping to catch some decent sport action. … SOCCER SUCKER … again. Every time I turn to the sport pages … SOCCER SUCKER … again. Every time I look into a magazine, many times I glance over at an Advertisement … again ... SOCCER SUCKER.

Haiz ... no way out … those who are not soccer suckers have no choice ... but to have our air space invaded. We have to make constant conscious efforts to mentally block off and look away from all that soccer-sucker bombardment and negative vibes; that which promotes “Stooping to Mediocrity.” That's just not right.

But that’s life. Have to take it because there is no way out. But in response, I’ll just post this little blog, a drop in the Ocean, putting things into a little balance and perspective, I'll vent a little, allowing those who can actually think for themselves to consider the bigger picture to this sucker fever that grips so many.

Regards and Seasons Greetings to All - including you Soccer Suckers,


Jonathan Livingstone Seagull.

PS If all soccer teams looked like and dressed like the team in my 1st pic above … then I would be happy to be watching all that soccer.